The Three Loves
by LackLuster99
Summary: Linalee explores the possibilities of love and desire, not with one man, but with three. How can she decide whom she loves best? Kanda, Allen, or Lavi?


The Three Loves

Situation Lavi:

He had looked out for her all these years, and how had she repaid him? His hand had always been at her back, supporting her, holding her upwards to fight, to face what lay ahead, and to accept her fate as an exorcist. Lavi, young, energetic, and brave had always understood the elements to which Linalee constructed her world. He had shared that love for others, despite his better judgments as future bookman. Lavi was her best friend. Lavi was hers.

And she had always known it, even in her neglect and desire for Allen-kun and Kanda. She had always known that Lavi was hers.

Situation Allen:

It only took two seconds. In two small seconds Linalee had become utterly overcome with infatuation for this strange, white-haired, round eyed person. Perhaps it was the purity with which he spoke. His openness was unlike any thing she had encountered as an exorcist. He was beyond her former reckoning. That fascination grew into an extreme affection and want. However, his power, his strangeness, frightened her even in his most innocent moments---his smiles…his small laugh.

Her body trembled each time he touched her; but her heart broke each time he turned his back on her. Allen-kun was her ache, her burden to which she clung. Allen-kun was hers.

Situation Kanda:

The pit of her stomach turned and twisted at the very sight of him. And to be in his presence was both devastating and calming for Linalee. He was the night of her world, the comforting blackness, yet terrifying silence. His eye would fall on her, and she would die inside. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but knew that words failed her in his presence.

And now that fighting had ceased and he brooded once more in the corridors of head quarters, awaiting the next battle, she felt this tension within him. She could touch it with her mind, but could not truly paint the contours of his constant need to move, to be on fire. In honestly, Linalee wasn't sure she could keep up with Kanda. But oh, his hands undid her. His cold eyes. His sheen locks of liquid black hair strangled her senses and she burned to touch him. Kanda was her desire, her heat, and lust. Yuu Kanda was hers.

Situation Linalee:

Linalee traced the lines of her body on the cool surface of the mirror. Making her way up the slant of her neck, tiling her head to expose the delicate flesh there, Linalee acquiesced to the truth she had long known. She was in love with all three of these men. She desired all three of them. She did not know what to do with her aching heart. They were all so close within her mind, all elemental in the mapping of her world. Without Lavi, Allen, or Kanda, Linalee knew she could fall apart, pieces shattered on the floor of history. She could not figure a way to sooth her aching. Since the cease-fire, temporary even in its utopian potentialities, all she could think about in succession were these men…these grown men…and how she loved them with all her heart.

But there was more to it than pure sentimentality. Linalee desired them.

She was still a young girl. Despite all the drama and heart ache, despite the battle rage stemming from attempts to protect her world, she was still a teen aged, young girl, full of fantasies and desires. She was flesh and bone, wilting in her despair, but blooming in her need to know…her need to feel them all. Could she do this? Would they understand?

In these moments of deep reflection, staring at her own image in the mirror, Linalee began weaving the tapestry of experimentation.

Linalee had a plan. Simple and wrong. Damning but so delicately necessary. She had somehow managed to steal a heavily protected and coveted device from her friends in the science department (smiles and flirting went a long way these days)…no one knew. The thought of Komui discovering her secret would devastate her new, self given mission.

It was simple. Merely a prick, and Linalee could erase certain memories. She could reconstruct hours that had been edited from the brain. This device was perfect for public management and to

attempt to keep Akuma-presence unknown to the masses. It was no longer used, because consequences of mind control were too risky in times of war. And, from the moment her slender hands had clasped the Memory Configuration Instrument, Linalee began to hate herself for such hasty and unethical actions…but, she had to do this. She could not continue without some kind of relief, without some kind of release from her constant fantasies.

Addiction. She was addicted to the plan.

Gripping it firmly, she brought the smooth, cold tube of metal to her heart.

"I can do this."

She was out to feel, to touch, and to taste that which she had come to love…all three of them. The last thing she could ever want was to hurt them. Perhaps this was the only way to know without inflicting pain. Even in ignorance you could uncover bliss.

Confrontation Lavi:

She went to Lavi first. He was, of course, sleeping as thickly and as loudly as a wild boar. The plan was simple:

no talking, no words, just touch. Do it. Measure reaction. Measure pleasure out like medicine in the concave dip of a spoon. Measure her own heart and how it spoke to her in such intimate positions. When it was over, maybe then they could speak. But, after he fell asleep….

forgetfulness.

His unconsciousness gave her courage. And, the softness of his lithe body, spread eagle on the bed gave her pause. She couldn't let herself become so wrapped up in the planning, the executing, that she would forget _Why_ she was doing this to herself. He was beautiful. His skin was pearl-like in the dim room and his hair a disaster piled on the pillow. She admired him for several moments, remembering all those unbearably funny times, heart-breaking times, quiet times. Time. She associated it with Lavi. She could cut the dynamics of their past through sections of time. She had spent so much time, so many words, with this boy beside her.

But now, she was on fire.

She sat on the bed, barely disturbing the spring of the mattress. He slept on in oblivion.

Perhaps, he would think he was dreaming.

She brought her hand to rest on his chest. Slowly, but firmly, she began to rub. Her fingers caressed and played with the hard skin underneath. He was warm. She could feel his pulse underneath her palm.

The snoring stopped, and she knew he was waking. Suddenly, an exhaustive wave of nervousness flooded her, and she thought she would not be able to continue, but the squeeze of a hand on her thigh erased such cowardice.

He was still asleep. But, urged by her deliberate stroking, his own hand had come to life and found the pillowy flesh of her thigh. He squeezed it several times, in sync with her own strokes. The pressure caused Linalee's breathing to accelerate.

Her hand wandered down his body and even traced the curve of his hip. But fear delayed her from lowering his sleeping trousers. Suddenly she wanted him to open his eyes. Suddenly, she wanted him to do the touching, the initiating, and not herself.

"Lavi." she whispered. Suddenly, the original plan seemed cold and uninviting. She wanted contact.

He sat up slowly, eyes bleary in sleep. He managed to croak out her name in curiosity, but Linalee's hands went to his neck and pulled his mouth to her own.

He must have been in utter shock, for he was as still as marble stone for several moments. Linalee tried not to think of all the horrible things that could happen, and continued to push her own lips onto his, her nails digging into the skin of his neck.

She was terrified.

But slowly, his rigid jaw line began to lax, and his torso melted against her own. His two strong arms encircled her. Arms folded across her tiny back and held on for dear life. His lips parted, and Linalee, molding into her own state of bliss, allowing herself the dare of tasting inside his mouth.

It was more than she could have imagined. Incandescent. Her stomach was out of control, swimming all over her body. Electric shock followed the touch of his hands. He laid back and she followed the line of descent, boldly straddling his thin hips and immediately feeling the very hard muscle close to her thigh.

His hands were now tangling themselves in her hair, what little was left of it…then they searched the slope of her shoulders and the plains of her back. She continued to plant her tongue in the heat of his mouth, tracing his teeth, sighing into his body like puddy. Her hands caressed the lines of his face lovingly, deliberately. She loved him, after all.

She had come to him bare, naked. And, after several moments of heated kissing, Lavi finally realized the gravity of this. Her nakedness perhaps caused a surge of panic, for he pulled his lips from hers and gawked.

His breathing was heavy, almost as if a great weight held him down. But really, it wasn't the weight of the girl atop him, but the look in her eyes that was unraveling his resolve. She looked flush and powerful while straddling him, and her breasts heaved and danced before him. He looked at her, up and down, the first naked women he had seen in his entire life.

Linalee was naked, on top of him, and kissing him…

"What? What's gotten into you?"

Did he say it? That didn't sound like his voice at all.

She didn't respond, but brought her fingers to his mouth and traced the line of his jaw.

Finally, words:

"If you don't want me, then, I'll go. But I want this."

"Don't go." he said in a panic, bringing his hands to her face, cupping her chin with all the sweetness he could muster in his amazement. "Don't go."

Confrontation Allen

It had been five days since Linalee's confrontation with Lavi. Every night since her coupling and subsequent erasing of that moment from her lover's mind had been tortuous. She felt a sparse guilt, but a longing to return to his bed, and be stroked, and kissed, and touched with such gentleness, with such feeling, as he had done to her.

They had made love three times in the small hours of night. And each time he came inside her, Linalee's scream of pleasure was also an elegy of great pain. She loved him, but her love was incomplete. But his touch….it was undoing.

So, unwilling to put herself through that pain again, Linalee moved onto her next target. Splitting her heart into pieces in this self-destructive game, she began strategizing the perfect way to approach Allen-kun.

Night, by all accounts was the only time she could act. But, Allen and Kanda were so different from Lavi…things would have to be altered somewhat.

So, she decided the hour before dawn was best. The light of day peaking quietly against the black curtain of night. She watched from the corner of his bedroom as he woke and rose with the faint presence of light from the window. He moved gracefully from bed frame to water basin and began splashing his face with the cold elixir. His shoulders were hunched over the vanity, muscles still unwilling to give up sleep, and slowly she tip-toed to him while his attention was turned.

He raises up and sees her, naked in the faint morning, reflection stark against his eye.

He whips around, eyes wide.

"Linalee" he breathes…barely able to make sound. He drops his wash rag…he drops his jaw.

She reaches out for him.

"I'm cold."

At first, he hesitates, but looking at the supple curves of her body, he can't suppress the very human appetites roaring within him. Hormones begin to race within his blood and the beast within Allen rises. He doesn't even really seem to question her anymore as he grabs onto her and pulls her to his own bare body.

Both are afraid to move, but continue to hold on.

"I'm so cold." she whispers against the skin of his shoulder. He brings his lips down to brush the top of her head. Raising her face up, Linalee captures his lips, ferociously, forcing him to comply, and her hands reach down for the part of him most vulnerable, and most lovely.

He shudders against her, letting out a strangled moan.

"Linalee…ah, wha?"

But, she's kissing him again and forcing him back against the wall.

Her courage has peaked and she isn't turning back. Biting his lip and stroking his member, Linalee presses her prey into the wall with such force, a small thump echoes throughout the room as flesh made contact with concrete.

In retribution, he pushes her bare bottom up with his strong two hands, forcing her to straddle him. Suddenly the world spins, and Linalee finds herself pushed up against the icy stone. Suddenly, control has shifted.

And he is inside her, and it's euphoria explosion.

Her hands clench his shoulders, savoring the first seconds of wet contact. She kisses the curve of his neck, up and down with her swollen lips.

He has braced himself against the wall with his strong left hand and his other, clutches her backside against him. Perhaps he should have thought about this before plunging into her. But once provoked, his body did all the thinking and moving for him, sensibility and innocence be damned.

He began to rock against her and the pleasure was fire against his heart. Moving was divine against her own bare body. He felt out of control in his desire for her. He began to lap at her shoulder, tasting her skin with reverence. He kissed her lips, breathing into her own cavernous mouth. She was arching into him with abandon.

And she was so soft. So beautiful.

So Linalee….

She found, that when it was over, it was more difficult to pull the tube out from it's hiding place and pull the switch, injecting the liquid into his sweaty ear…

He had fallen asleep, sated on the cold floor, as full morning light invaded the area they had feasted on. She broke into fat, ugly tears while she whispered new memories. He would wake in his bed moments later…no memory of their heated love making against the wall and on the floor. Suddenly, Linalee's heart felt like the stone on which she stood.

Confrontation Kanda:

She wanted to stop this madness, but now started, she must carry out her final task. She could not taste Lavi and Allen without then tasting the night in which she had so longed for…even before her feelings for the previous two were realized.

Her confrontation with Kanda did not require much thought. She knew exactly what she must do.

They had often meditated together, much to his great disgruntled annoyance, though she knew he was play-acting. Therefore, he didn't think it odd when she sat beside him. In fact, he did not even open his dark eyes or acknowledge her in any way. If he had, then…he would have been greatly surprised…for once again, she had discarded her clothing at the door.

For a while, Linalee just contented herself with the silence of meditation. She glanced at her neighbor, his tall, powerful frame erect and composed against the chilly, gloaming room. His breathing was rhythmic, a lullaby against the pervading darkness. She listened and watched him during his communion with phantoms. His hair, wrapped in its usual pony tail caught the remnants of light from the small windows. The redgoldpurpleorange light of sunset suited his features, she thought.

Kanda, of the three, was the most beautiful, in her eyes.

The nervousness returned. Could she manage to ensnare him as she had done so easily with Lavi and Allen? She didn't know. She turned her head to the window, watching the failing light of day, and wondered how she should make her first move now that she was here…

But, the tide had turned for Linalee.

His lips were on her back, worshiping the curve of her shoulder blade and spine. He had come up behind her, on both knees, and his hand groped for her breasts, in which there was no hesitation. His smell pervaded her, and in her shock and relief she closed her watering eyes and tilted her head back. Finally, she need not be in control or worried. Kanda understood her. It was as if he had read her thoughts.

She was surprised at how gentle he was. She had figured, in her nascent day dreams, that Lavi or Allen would be the soft, ostentatious lovers, Kanda the rough and potent. However, as he covered her on the cold tatami mat, his body took great care for her comfort and for her pleasure. Kanda, unlike the previous two, was experienced. He knew the curves and contours of a woman's body. He took great care, and Linalee felt as if she had plunged into an abyss of intimate night.

His kisses up and down her body were like water to a desert. His tongue, tickling her center was explosion in her veins. He finally brought his own lips to hers in a dance, that was achingly slow. He wanted to take his time doing this. It was if Linalee had become the thing on which he meditated. Her hands carved the lines of his arms, his sides. She reveled in the feel of his toned body under her fingers. He seemed to tremble at the scrape of her finger nails. Opening her legs to him, she bit at his ear, encouraging him to hurry.

When he entered her was when he finally made a sound. It was a slow, relaxed, and acquiescent moan into the dark room, now devoid of sunset light. He had groaned against her heart, as he lazily bit at her breast. His rocking hips were gentle as a night breeze, teasing and torturing Linalee. She pulled at his hair. She sang her heart into his neck. She clenched down on his hips with her strong thighs. Over and over again, the wave of Kanda broke over her, and she was dying.

Unwilling to move from the soft protection of his body, even hours later, Linalee watched him as he slept. He was angelic, more so than she had previously thought. His hair, now free from it's bindings, tickled her face. She did not want to erase his memory. She did not want to inflict the same pain as she had caused with Lavi and Allen. Tonight, had been, by far, the most pleasurable. She didn't want morning to come. She wanted to have her previous nights back again.

She, still, after all this trouble, loved all three of them equally.

Letting her fingers dance with the tendrils of ebony hair, Linalee began to cry. Her world. Her life was these three men as well as her brother. And, though heart breaking, Linalee was glad that she had found the courage to explore these men so thoroughly…to see the side of them she had merely imagined, but never experienced.

Each had their own strengths, their own abilities. All three were her lover…All three where her heart.

Reaching, she clutched at the Memory Configuration Device. With a face that could bring the most solid warrior to his knees with tears, Linalee injected Kanda's ear, and whispered a new memory. She covered him with his exorcist jacket and exited the room, walking naked to her own loadings.

Love. In love with all three of them. The journey would continue on.


End file.
